Drowning | By Camryn Shaver

I’m drowning, 

Battling a wound filled with salt on my heart. 

It is impossible to carry on a heavy smile 

while being weighed down by an anchor.

People on the train keep talking, 

mumbling words that make my heart and fists clench at the same time.

I want to scream underwater, 

As I’m already drowning in waves of self pity. 

My lungs fill with water; 

A thick blood consistency 

gripped between sheer terror 

and simply white noise. 

Your heart is in your throat, 

But it lasts for hours and hours without an end. 

Anything is possible, 

but only the bad things 

The highs and the lows grip at my throat, 

Pulling each other in opposite directions… 

trapped. 

A feeling like being in a constant battle with a person that is ill.

Constantly dictating, 

Constantly feeling guilt. 

Alas, I’m still here trying to become a better me.

Trying to swim to the surface…

Trying to undrown.